Relationships… (sigh)

28. September 2011 by admin.

So I found this video today….

I liked it and found it pretty true to speak.

There’s a quote at the end that says something close to : “You know you’re in love with someone if you’re willing to wash their filthy underwear”….

Crashing realization on one of my last relationships:

So there we are as a couple at our then landlords apartment. Everyone had brought drinks/alcohol snacks etc.

My Landlord was a fantastic guy who was in PR, in some facet, and had been involved with his partner for many many years.

We actually lived in this primarily commercial space, that had 3 residential floors on the top of the building (only the best), other than the LL couple - the LL’s mother lived across the hall- so it was quite a family affair!

At the party there was great conversation, music and food and we were all having a fantastic time. My GF at the time bought a drink called “Sparks” which is some kind of malt liquor beverage which to this day I don’t know what malt liquor is, and now live in fear of ever having it again.

I was drinking both Sparks and Tequila and at one point I think I may have been “double fisting” (brilliant plan).

At some point in the evening- everyone decided that we should all go out to a club to get our groove on and take things to a higher level. I was IN! Absolutely ready to dance, party , flirt, etc., etc., etc.!

I believe it was at this moment that my liver decided it had had enough of the “filtering the toxins out” gig- and sent every bit of Sparks,Tequila,Beer, Wine and everything else that I had drank, sipped, tried, or smelled- directly to my brain. non-stop. no waiting. now.

All I know is I went to my apartment (next door - maybe 20 yards) to put on some “dancing shoes” and as I bent over I precipitously  fell directly into the side of the door! Now when I say the side of the door there are six sides to a door: 2 huge sides (front and back) and then 4 “edges” approximately 2 inches in width. I spell this out just to highlight the precision required for me to plant my cheek bone/eye socket/ forehead directly onto this surface- all the while, in complete free fall!

Somehow I rebounded right up, and my GF (caring, nurturing, love of the past 5+ years, girl that she was….) says “Are you serious?!?”

… I, of course barely hear this, and make my way directly into the home of the porcelain altar, kneel, squat, then lay (there may have been some gesticulating - unsure) with my head directly beside the bowl (altar!) and prepare for the soon to be evacuating Tequila/Sparks/Beer/Wine/Food/etc.

It does not take long…

I am not a quiet “thrower-up-er” in fact I have been told it’s somewhere between the Exorcist and someone being murdered in one of the 80’s old school horror films ie. Friday the 13th, Halloween, Nightmare on…you get the point. I sound like I’m being killed and/or possessed.

At some point I decide, luckily after much of the “volume” has gone - that I can no longer lift my head, and I proceed to just “heave” onto the floor in front of me.

My GF at this point, I believe, was watching TV in the other room. (See abbove parentheses about Nurturing-etc.)!

I am on the cold tile floor, freezing, sweating,  trying to crawl away from my filth, withouth lifting my head for fear it may just crack open and my liquified (or so they feel) brains may come spilling right out - and create even more mess than I had already made (My main concern!). I call out for my GF…”Ugghh! Ahhhhhh!! Bbbb……eeeeeee…..BBBBBB (Shiver) (Shiver) - [Please no more heaving PLEASE] Beeeebbbeeee- Bebe!!!!

She comes in- “Hey what’s the matter”?

…

[Seriously?!?]

…Ugh!….Frrrreeeezzzzzziiiiinnngggg….BBBllll…nnnnkkkkkkeeeetttt…..Please! (Sigh,shiver,heave,shiver,cough!)

Now- I know I’m annoying when sick. I know this, in fact I’m probably pretty god damned annoying when healthy - but to know me is to LOVE me! However what comes next I still can’t get over…

GF comes back- now I really- for all intents and purposes, am blind (refuse to open my eyes) and paralyzed (head stuck to floor) so I don’t see this, but she begins layering me with…

Garbage Bags.

(and not even the heavy duty black ones - the white with the drawstring- garbage bags)!!

Even in my completely decimated condition- I can tell this is NO BLANKET….there is no warmth here (From the “blanket” OR GF). So I reach up and feel the thin plastic…completely confused…, with my head still firmly connected to the tile floor I say…(garbled) “What is this”?!?

GF:”The floor is a mess and I don’t want to ruin any of our blankets or sheets”.

(Note: She later told me she thought this was a brilliant idea since “Garbage Bags are what keep the homeless warm”….(See note above: Caring, Nurtur…)

I now cry out- still freezing, head ready to explode, hoping the dry heaves stop, praying for death, God is a lie, etc. and say “Stilll CCcccccoooolllllddddd!!!”

She now steps 2 feet (not in distance but biologically- meaning she put both feet inside the bathroom) reaches over to the counter and proceeds to…

Blow dry me (On High/Hot setting).

It’s at this point I give up and realize that death would not only be a relief, but be far too good for me!

After 9 hours on the floor and the tile marks firmly leaving their imprint into my face- I finally was able to stand, shower, clean the bathroom, and go to bed.

Based on the above video- I guess we weren’t in “Love” - wish I had known sooner!

-B

Posted in Should known better, Ex-GFs, Love | No Comments »